On the usefulness of dream decoding

I enjoy recording my dreams and applying some light interpretation to them, and this week I experienced (again!) just how useful they can be!

I went to Vienna a couple of weeks ago (and I still need to write about it). I visited the Freud Museum, the place where he lived and saw his patients, where he wrote many of his books! It was truly moving to be there, and heartbreaking to hear about the fate of some of the Freud family during the Holocaust.

But that is definitely for a post all of its own.

Anyway, the Freud museum had a gift shop (naturally). SO MANY BOOKS. And I bought the coolest t-shirt (again, for another post!). But something I did get from the gift shop that DOES relate to this post, is this Dream Decoder card set.

Well I couldn’t resist.
And this week, it helped me and, damn it has given me such a wellbeing BOOST!

Breathe…

Ok, so I have my dream journal on my reMarkable Paper Pro (damn, that’s another post – this device has been so good for my creative output). I decided to create a new template based on the Dream Decoder card deck, to track which dreams occur and how they relate to events in waking life.

Template dream tracker based on Dream Decoder deck (my most common dreams)

Here are my most common dreams, grouped as per the Dream Decoder categories. These are the ones on the template.

ANXIETY DREAMS

  • Being late
  • Being lost/losing something
  • Paralysis
  • Nudity
  • Being unprepared

(who would have thought that anxiety dreams would be my most numerous category?)

PLACE DREAMS

  • Work
  • Buildings
  • Unfamilar/secret/unused room

OBJECT DREAMS

  • Musical instruments
  • Transport (usually trains or buses)
  • Technology (not regular so not on the template but occured in this dream, typically)

PEOPLE and RELATIONSHIP DREAMS

  • People
  • Family

NATURE DREAMS

  • Animals (usually pets that I’ve had – guinea pigs and hamsters)
  • Water

POSITIVE EXPERIENCES DREAMS

  • Moving forward (usually not quite as positive as often occurs as a dream where I am trying to walk somewhere but I am really heavy and the journey is excruciatingly slow)

CRISIS DREAMS

  • Accidents (usually a plane crash)

Of course, within each dream card there are further prompts to consider, e.g. people is really broad, so it asks to consider if colleagues, then could relate to the place dream that is WORK etc. So many variations and cross-referencing.

The first night’s dreams using my new decoder tracker was as follows:
(I have included them all as they set the context, and it’s clear how the first ones relate to my waking life situation, but it is the final two dreams – guinea pigs and plane crashes – that informed me of what I needed to do this week.)

Some things from WAKING LIFE – worried about a work situation; taking a proactive approach to reprogramming my brain by listening to meditations while falling asleep; wanting to confront that remaining troubling part of myself; attended a workshop on attachment theory and how this might show up in group work.

DREAM
At the beach with family. I was in the sea and it was calm. I said I wondered if there would be bigger waves tomorrow as that would be more exciting.
DREAM CATEGORY – PLACE (Beach) and NATURE (Water)
Beach card
Water (emotion) meets land (body). Wanting to express emotions, to embody them. It’s the turbulent ones I was wanting to express.
Water Card
A symbol of emotional state.

DREAM
At work. I have recorded something about a colleague on a CD and it’s very important that I don’t lose it. I have it in a backpack. I’m in a toilet cubicle and too scared to lock it. Someone tries to come in and I hold the door but they keep coming.
DREAM CATEGORY – PLACE (Work, Building) and OBJECTS (Technology) and RELATIONSHIPS (People)
Work card
If the dream is your real workplace, it will focus on what you find unsatisfactory. This featured one of my real workplaces.
Building card
buildings represent your sense of self. Office – preoccupation with professional life. The main floor represents the present moment.
People card
If there are people present when you are doing something private (such as using the bathroom), this usually indicates insecurity or low self-esteem.
Technology
A CD – really old tech. What am I still doing with this? How is it serving me? Why am I needing to hide it from them? They won’t be able to read it anyway. They won’t understand.

DREAM
I have 4 guinea pigs and it feels a bit too much to take on. They escape and run into a nearby stream. I rescue three of them quickly. The last one it takes a while to find. By the time I do, he is still alive but doesn’t look right – yellow eyes, writing rhythmically, distorted and damaged.
DREAM CATEGORY – NATURE (Animals) and CRISIS (Accident)
Animal card – symbols of primal instuincts and urges. They can represent repressed parts unable to be expressed in waking life. Caged animal? Be aware of the constraints placed on them. Pets that are wounded represent needs not being met.
Stream – Water card. Submerged – emotions overwhelming you.
Accident card
A warning to be alert to potential danger. Your unconcious has noticed, and wants to draw attention to, something you aren’t alert to in waking life. Be more careful. Vigilance is required to reach your goals without some kind of mischance, which may occur at the emotional level. You’re avoiding something, your values are in conflict with those of others.

DREAM
I’m in a plane waiting to take off. Another plane crashes and catches fire next to us.
DREAM CATEGORY – OBJECT (Transport) and CRISIS (Accident)
Transport card
Progress in life. A passenger suggests you are passive. Aircraft suggests possibility of new adventures.
Accident card
A warning to be alert to potential danger. Your unconcious has noticed, and wants to draw attention to, something you aren’t alert to in waking life. Be more careful. Vigilance is required to reach your goals without some kind of mischance, which may occur at the emotional level. You’re avoiding something, your values are in conflict with those of others.

KEY LEARNING

Caution! An emotional outburst wouldn’t be wise.
This new and exciting direction in life could be blown up if you continue to let those emotions and old patterns fly the plane.

Emotional release doesn’t mean freedom. It can mean harm.

I’ll be honest, that evening I had been imagining what I would say about the work situation, feeling dismay at how the start of a week could be so good and yet I’d be brought so low so quickly and felt there was nothing I could do about it. How helpless, how annoying!
Yet the fact that I had this series of dreams and the decoder classified them as CRISIS, that really gave me pause.

I decided to have a conversation to resolve a situation that had been bothering me, and I conducted myself assertively …

and I feel AMAZING.

There was a moment before when I thought of the dreams. I thought, BEWARE. Your mind has warned you. DON’T DO WANT YOU MIGHT FEEL LIKE DOING. And when we sat down, I had the dreams and the decoder cards always in my mind. DON’T DROWN THE GUINEA PIG. At the same time I wanted to confront the issue because I didn’t see why I should be feeling unworthy.

and I have achieved what I hoped for.

Some sense of closure. Some sense of a toxic situation finally over.

This was tiring to write. I supposed I’d wanted to say more about the outcome, but the fact I can’t be bothered to assures me further that the situation is over. Just to say it has helped me recognise that there are ways to tend to emotions without them taking over or letting external situations so strongly influence them; to set boundaries, to change how we respond so as to not keep refuelling that broken plane. Not easy, but possible. And how FASCINATING to see how those people respond when you stop letting them burn the disk (how old am I?!), when you stop letting them fly the plane or releasing your guinea pigs so they come to harm,

I paid attention to my unconscious through dreams and I heeded a warning. I feel in control now of a situation in which I felt helpless. I’m not helpless. I don’t have to feel less worthy than others, and I don’t have to fear my emotions running amok. I can care for them like guinea pigs.

I am not on the exploding plane. I’m on the one about to take off.

Boundaries are good.
And I love my guinea pigs even more.

Obvs.

Love these guys ❤️

Can’t believe this album was released nearly 2 years ago though. It still feels like I’ve just discovered it. That and time perception is just becoming so strange.

I enjoyed their show at Slam Dunk festival at Hatfield earlier this year. I’ve seen them a few times and this was probably their best I think.

Your voice has been torn/out at the roooooots …

Moneybrother (into the outstretched arms of …)

In September this year we travelled to Cologne to see Moneybrother!

For many years it has been my wish to see them. Every time I’d listen to them I would imagine it was live in a concert hall somewhere. They don’t play in the UK so I knew we would have to travel to the continent, and I suppose that minor obstacle made it seem unlikely that we’d see them anytime soon.

But then midlife creeps up and suddenly it’s like, hell let’s just get on with things.

And it just so happened they were touring this year for the 20th anniversary of their ‘To Die Alone’ album. This was the first album of theirs I listen to. As soon as I heard ‘They’re Building Walls Around Us”, I knew I would love them and be a committed fan. So catchy, and some of my favourite lyrics:

Hey by splitting, what did you achieve?
For all intents and purposes, it’s easier to leave
It just seems whoever else approaches me,
There’s always an imbalance, I mean, ideologically

and

It seems that I fell out of luck
Into the outstretched arms of fuck up, I know

That song is followed by ‘It Ain’t Gonna Work’, with raw and honest lyrics about a relationship that’s failing, to a chorus that descends the scale like rain, it’s just so moving.

We heard they were touring, so we went to Cologne! A new place for us.

I broke my ‘no alcohol or caffeine before a flight’ rule in one fell swoop! The plane was late, and I’m an alcoholic on planes anyway.

Landed in Cologne, we travelled by train from the airport to Cologne Central, walking from there across the Hohenzollern Bridge to get to the hotel. On this particular walk I did not take many/any photos of the bridge as I was distracted by all the birds.

And this

The bridge was pretty at night. We sat out and listened to some street music under clear skies. I don’t like it when people describe something as a “vibe”, but I did find myself thinking, “this is a vibe”. Damn.

A Vibe

The cathedral … I have no words really. Could almost make me believe in God. The scale was hard to comprehend in both time and space (over 600 years of construction).

Dave and I conducted ourselves with the utmost reverence.

Food was GOOD.

Apple strudel
Bavarian mealoaf and potato salad

And I have a new favourite wine (Riesling 🙂 )

A true connoisseur 😂

Moneybrother played at Gebäude 9, an old factory now a most fun music venue.

They didn’t stick to songs from ‘To Die Alone’, which I thought they would predominantly. They played new material and a lot from ‘Blood Panic’, which is a magnificent album.

Moneybrother ❤️

I just think they’re something special. Anders Wendin seems like such a beautiful, intense and gentle soul. The crowd were completely invested, and the energy between band and audience seems at complete equilibrium.

It was a really special evening.

Anyone who knows me should know I love a hotel bar, and ours was a good one in which to reflect on the evening.

Sweaty, rain soaked, happy
Cuban mule 😋

Some miscellaneous images from a memorable long weekend.

I feel very grateful for being alive to meet midlife and to enjoy the privileges of food, drink, music, history, culture, and coming together.

Liberation? (Let the woman lead the way)

There is a part from the past that is still looking for mirroring, attunement, appreciation that was lacking.

Am I not getting enough of that from my current relationships?

Yes, but that is beside the point. The wounded part won’t be satisfied by that, CANNOT be. It awakens to repeat what it has known before, with the misguided aim of fixing the situation and getting what it needs.

But it will never achieve what it wants because it looks in the wrong places, and always will. It can’t NOT.

It looks to the places that bring it to life. Its existence depends on these places.

Her existence depends on situations that will hurt, abandon. So how could she ever be satisfied? To be satisfied is to no longer exist. She will only exist in response to those things that will keep her alive.

She awakens and seeks out things that will hurt her. She doesn’t know this. She hopes for a better outcome.

But YOU know this.

This is what causes confusion in the self – “why am I doing this to myself?”

The whole self knows it is disastrous and harmful to the whole. Yet the attachment is there.

It awakens and takes over, leaving the rest of the self thinking, “WTF?”

WTF?

What can I do?

Identify triggers early.

DO NOT INDULGE.

Avoid where possible, limit always.

She will always be brought to life if YOU allow her. There’s a tipping point where it is hard to come back from. Not impossible. Watch for the tipping point.

Never believe for a second that she can get what she wants from anything outside. If she could, she would have by now. If she could, she would no longer exist. She’s fighting for life. Admire her for that, take care of her.

But NEVER believe her.

She sounds like a pain in the ass.

She’s a child.

What’s more powerful or disturbing than a child’s pain in an adult’s mind?

Felicity, by Mary Oliver.

Re-reading a book of poems, the title of which is my name. Yes, I decided to read it for my name, and the timing of my re-reading is helpful and calming. Also I want to say “these poems were written for me!” as a poet who touches us often creates this feeling. But really, I do think these poems were written for me, and I am known. 🙂

Here are some of my favourite lines and stanzas.

Roses

[…]
what happens when the curtain goes
down and nothing stops it, not kissing,
not going to the mall, not the Super
Bowl.

Moments

[…]
There is nothing more pathetic than caution
when headlong might save a life
even, possibly, your own.

I Am Pleased to Tell You

[…]
Rumi, who has no trouble slipping out of
your long black coat, oh Mr. Death.

Leaves and Blossoms Along the Way

[…]
To understand many things you must reach
of your own condition.

Beauty can both shout and whisper, and still
it explains nothing.

The point is, you’re you, and that’s for keeps.

Nothing Is Too Small Not to Be Wondered About

[…]
He sings slower and slower.
Then, nothing.

This must mean something, I don’t know what.
But certainly it doesn’t
he hasn’t been an excellent cricket
all his life.

Humility

Poems arrive ready to begin.

Poets are only the transportation.

Not Anyone Who Says

[…]
but only those lovers who didn’t choose at all
but were, as it were, chosen
by something invisible
and powerful and uncontrollable
and beautiful and possibly even
unsuitable –
only those who know what I’m talking about
in this talking about love.

A House, or a Million Dollars

[…]
Love is the one thing the heart craves
and love is the one thing
you can’t steal.

Felicity

“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing
there is a field. I’ll meet you there.” – Rumi

Take Me With You. A poem by Courtney Kampa

Put your ribs into the wind when you say it.
Expose a pearl-bellied throat to the sky.
So many words for wrapping your mind around
the self, instead of your arms around the ankles
of another. Take me with you. Say it, and feel
that ache in the teeth, the one unlearned
as a child, when, in a snap for sweetness, you bit
front-teeth-first into ice cream. No, much better
to use the tongue like a spoon, or a thorn. Safer
to claim and puncture by approaching from the side.
Better to say I’ll come along too, or hey cool, I’m walking
that direction anyway, but never take me with you. Never
to show the heart so translucent and clear—an orb
of glass, burned and blown thin enough to shatter.
So much talk of abandon, but all along here is where
the word was pointing: the airy pause before an answer,
bones humming like a struck gong. Your pulse’s
trembling, pale and light, as the dusted wings of a moth;
as a milky circle of sea-foam on the beach,
the water rising ever closer to the spot where you
delicately, desperately sway.

Babel: Or the Necessity of Violence: An Arcane History of the Oxford Translators’ Revolution, by R. F. Kuang

“‘How strange,’ said Ramy. ‘To love the stuff and the language, but to hate the country.’

‘Not as odd as you’d think,’ said Victoire. ‘There are people, after all, and then there are things.'”

“‘Do you know what Equiano’s master told him when he was manumitted?”[…]”He told him that in a short time, he’d have slaves of his own.'”