There is a part from the past that is still looking for mirroring, attunement, appreciation that was lacking.
Am I not getting enough of that from my current relationships?
Yes, but that is beside the point. The wounded part won’t be satisfied by that, CANNOT be. It awakens to repeat what it has known before, with the misguided aim of fixing the situation and getting what it needs.
But it will never achieve what it wants because it looks in the wrong places, and always will. It can’t NOT.
It looks to the places that bring it to life. Its existence depends on these places.
Her existence depends on situations that will hurt, abandon. So how could she ever be satisfied? To be satisfied is to no longer exist. She will only exist in response to those things that will keep her alive.
She awakens and seeks out things that will hurt her. She doesn’t know this. She hopes for a better outcome.
But YOU know this.
This is what causes confusion in the self – “why am I doing this to myself?”
The whole self knows it is disastrous and harmful to the whole. Yet the attachment is there.
It awakens and takes over, leaving the rest of the self thinking, “WTF?”
What can I do?
Identify triggers early.
DO NOT INDULGE.
Avoid where possible, limit always.
She will always be brought to life if YOU allow her. There’s a tipping point where it is hard to come back from. Not impossible. Watch for the tipping point.
Never believe for a second that she can get what she wants from anything outside. If she could, she would have by now. If she could, she would no longer exist. She’s fighting for life. Admire her for that, take care of her.
But NEVER believe her.
She sounds like a pain in the ass.
She’s a child.
What’s more powerful or disturbing than a child’s pain in an adult’s mind?
