I actually painted on holiday! And it would have been okay if I hadn’t. (maybe…)

I take pencils, pens, watercolours and brushes whenever I go on holiday, yet it has always been difficult for me to go beyond a quick pencil or pen sketch before giving up and allowing other distractions.

Now that I’ve declared myself an artist with a day job, I am determined to spend more time being an artist. No excuses now.

So, on my recent trip to north Norfolk, I painted! Yay! I curated some liquid watercolours into a portable air-tight pallet complete with fold-up water pot and brush holder. It is now messy and sandy and, most importantly, used!

I’m off to a great start on this ‘being an artist’ business. What I found was that once I had completed one painting I had the urge to start another one. So each day it became easier to pick up a brush and just paint what I saw. I loosened up throughout the week. The pressure was off and I was enjoying myself.

Of course, I was being a little hard on myself before. Even if just one quick pen sketch, I was still arting. I remind myself of this quote by Paul Rubin from his book, ‘The Creative Act: A Way of Being’:

“Living life as an artist is a practice.
You are either engaging in the practice
or you’re not.

It makes no sense to say you’re not good at it.
It’s like saying, “I’m not good at being a monk.”
You are either living as a monk or you’re not.

We tend to think of the artist’s work as the output.

The real work of the artist
is a way of being in the world.”

Self-analysis and self-consciousness lessened over the week, unable to take me out of some wonderful flow moments.

I’m not sure what the obstacles were before – likely some over-concern about messyness and all the usual ‘being on the go’ challenges you don’t get when sat with everything in its place on a desk at home. I was able to let go of a lot of that. Also there was probably the usual ‘if it’s not going to be great then why bother’ and ‘if you’re not going to spend more than an hour on it why bother’ etc etc.

I can’t give all credit to willpower and a nifty paint pallet though. I recognise that I was camping, plenty of outside time, no work, no typical daily responsibilities. Out of the routine for a few days really helps to increase awareness. It brings a newness to everything.

I’m currently reading ‘The Mind of the Artist’ by William Todd Schultz. I’m finding it so enlightening. It’s helping me understand some of my tendencies and some of the struggles I’ve been experiencing that I associate with needing to go to work (more specically, office interpersonal relationships, poor leadership and communication, rigid processes, excessive focus and concern over minor details..)

I will write more about this book when I’ve finished it. I hope it will help me make better informed decisions that are empowering and helpful to my creative process (and perhaps lay off a little of the pathologising …) although such decisions are never easy are they, when work and money are concered.

Mostly I am hoping the book will help with self-acceptance and is certainly highlighting my need for validation … and what’s wrong with that? Some things that I have always disliked about myself, been ashamed of and perhaps took as signs of mental illness, may in fact be a result of openness to experience, for example an unclear identy and unstable goals, excessive fantasing, disconnectedness from social groups, and an overabsorption with feelings and subjective states.