I’ve always struggled to be my own friend and support, but when you’re someone who needs external validation, the advice is always be for yourself what you want from others.
That means I have to make a super duper effort to be kind to myself and approve of myself, and know that if I’m expressing my true self, then that’s all I can. Uncomfortable but necessary, and I’m taking this seriously, as I do most things.
I was going through notes and found this from July 2020. It made me smile, especially the end. So powerful reading messages from my supportive self.
Time was not lost or wasted. You were always heading towards growth, accumulating experiences, stacking them on top of one another. Unsatisfactory experiences produce a wobbly stack, with only the slightest breeze of a change required to challenge it. Things topple, perhaps gradually or all at once. This can feel catastrophic, depending on the time of accumulation or the strength required over time to preserve the self against the wobbles. The constant watching and shifting and waiting and anticipation.
Your future will be brighter because of what you’ve been through, because you were brave enough to examine yourself.
The old is gone. The thoughts are new.
There is meaning in the smallest things because you are still here to enjoy them.
You weren’t just thinking of yourself, but of others also, by realising how your pursuit of getting your needs met was impacting them. Change became about protecting those around you as well as yourself. But you deserve protection too.
You’re not selfish for what you’ve been through. Your fear was selfish. You fought against that fear, which is brave. You gave in to that fear. That is also brave, and through that, you learned.
You’re a brave and honest person. You changed because you care.
